The definition of guilt is self-reproach caused by feeling that one is responsible for a wrong…whether real or imagined. 

Guilt is not a feeling.  Guilt is a man-made torture device.  It is the mechanism we use to punish ourselves for things we have said or done – or things we did not say or do.  We become the judge, jury and jailor.  And our debt and self-induced punishment is never paid.   It is beyond non-productive – it is self-esteem destructive.  And it always remains lurking in the recesses of our psyche…waiting to inflict a twinge of pain…it never goes away. 

Guilt is worrying and fretting about something that is gone…Something in the past that can’t be changed – ever.  We can be sad but guilt keeps us locked in the past.  It stops us from moving on, from making a fresh start and from learning the lesson.

But what if we replace the words “I feel guilty” with “I regret”?  Just changing this wording diffuses the sting.  

The definition of regret is to feel sorry, upset and repentant about an event, action or lack of action. 

The intent of the word includes repentance.  You are sad about what happened but you intend to do better in the future.  You are not stuck in self-punishment even if you cannot correct the situation with someone directly due to death or the end of a relationship.  The essence of the word regret is your intention to do better in the future with all relationships, in all interactions.  With regret we have at least a chance of moving forward…we have some hope.

Regret allows us to be kind to ourselves about our mistakes.  It allows us to forgive ourselves, see what we might have done better and grants us resolve to do better today and going forward.  We can’t change the past and carrying mistakes around with us weighs us down. 

Centered Action

Resolve to take guilt out of your vocabulary.  Be kind to yourself and insert regret and intention to make all your relationships the best that they can be.  Regret your mistakes, apologize to yourself and others if needed, then resolve to forgive yourself and … do better.

If you feel this message would be useful to someone you know, please forward it to them.

Keep the Faith, Clean up the messes in Your Path, Give to Someone Else,

And Be Your Most Magnificent Self…

Jody D.