Infusing Loss with Joy
I know it might seem unbelievable because I am a writer, and a very wordy one at that, but I am pretty uncomfortable with small talk conversations. I’m great at one-on-one or even large groups when it comes to heartfelt topics or service. I have always depended on others with that special talent to lead conversations, connect with others, and then fill me in, so I stay in the loop. This is to me an illusive talent, and it is is about Joyfully finding out what is going on in people’s lives today, and about making and keeping connections.
Recently, I’ve had a loved one who was a master at this art, lose this wonderful talent due to health issues. Both they and I feel the loss. We all have had the experience of someone we love who is just not quite who they were, or maybe we have had a loss of who we used to be. With those we love, we wish they could do or be, different or better. With ourselves we judge that we too should do or be, different or better. Both are deep losses of the life we used to live with them, or with our own life.
When we have a loss in any area of our life, we will experience grief. That is an unfortunate fact, as none of us likes to feel our feelings especially the uncomfortable ones. Grief is a process, and it cannot be rushed, and sometimes it is on-going and messy. When we are feeling loss, often our darker emotions of sadness, fear, anger, disappointment, regret and even jealousy pop up inside us. We feel we’ve been robbed of something precious, replaced with intolerable conditions that we just can’t accept today – let alone going forward.
In our view, things have changed and definitely not for the better. We struggle internally and try every imaginable remedy to fix what we consider broken, without success. With our mental struggle, we can find no Peace. And though we try to push them away, our feelings keep bleeding through our thoughts. For anyone in the midst of experiencing loss, Joy seems an impossible and far off idealistic notion, which we can’t even imagine.
The Key in relieving our emotional struggles, is to find moments of Joy. We are taking a pause from the upset to Infuse our life with a Joyful experience. It seems unbelievable to think we can just stop, and change our thinking and our attitude, when we are in the midst of our well-deserved distress. But feelings are not facts. They are just our momentary energized viewpoint. The truth is our feelings are ever changing and fleeting. When we allow ourselves to really feel, the feeling releases. So, Joy in this moment is just as possible as sorrow. It is merely remembering we have a choice, and being willing to take alternate actions. We can pick up the upset later if we wish.
If your loss is with someone else’s changes – instead of trying to fix them – find a way to bring them Joy just as they are. The gift I am giving to my loved one who was a brilliant conversationalist – is for me to step out of my comfort zone to practice small talk. I have to tell you it has been rough for me – and sometimes there are long periods of awkward silence – and I keep trying. We laughingly talking about the discomfort, and both of us are finding Joy just hanging out – even in silence. I’m practicing giving and receiving Joy.
Centered Action:
Allowing others and our personal stuff to be just as they are, releases expectations of them and of ourselves. This opens the space for more Joy in our lives. And Joy multiplies Joy. Today, remember to take a short Joy break.
To our Health and Well Being!!
If you feel this message would be useful to someone you know, please forward it to them.
Keep the Faith. Clean up the messes in Your Path. Give to Someone Else.
And Be Your Most Magnificent Self…
Jody Drexler